REALITI SEBENAR ADULTHOOD? [ KINDA LIKE A LIFE UPDATE ]

 Hi all, Its been a long time.. So life update hmm i graduated, berjaya habiskan my 6 months intership with big company then i dapat 2 graduate trainee program from big companies but i rejected both sebab ya a lot of reasons actually. Now i jobless for 2 weeks now HAHA baru 2 weeks okay but i rasa macam forever pulak. Lepastu i just attended two back to back interview for permanent positions but result tak keluar lagi. But i kinda messed up both my interviews so i rasa tak ada harapan kot. I will get back and keep applied for jobs :) Yupppp that's the summary of my life. 

PICTURE FROM PIXABAY

I am not so fine actually. Adulthood is so hard. I selalu dengar about how cool it is and yeah its hard also but i ingat its gonna be subjective like kalau you pandai handle, our life was not gonna be that bad. But i was wrong, its gonna be bad for everyone, its super hard and exhausting. I hate myself, I feel so vulnerable, I feel so insecure and whatever i buat kan, I will never be THAT good. So what is THAT good actually??

I tak tahu haha but fact that different people may perceived things differently. So that so called THAT good is like being independent, free, mentally stable, earn your own money and just being happy. Thats how i perceived it. So what yours? 

How i deal with adulthood is mostly being sunyi haha it was lonely most of the time, i was overthinking way too much and cried! That's how i deal with it. A normal grieving I guess. There are times when i rasa loser oh actually now.. I rasa loser sangat sangat. 

Just talked with my friend about that and dia pun rasa yang sama. So i feel good and bad sebab at least someone was on the same boat with me. Just talked to my boyfriend and he said i tak loser and sorry tak ada kat tempat i. So basically, he's doing so fine now which is really good for him. Should i blame him haha should i? But for what kan. For having such a good life where i dont have for this right moment? Should i blame him or should i blame who??

If you still reading, i would say thank you so much. Writing is one of the way for me to cope. I tahu that someday that I will be okay. For me, tak ada orang yang have everything like so so so GREAT. Nope, tak ada.

 So at least i just nak feel better  compare to what i have been feeling right now. I hope you will be okay too. So since i dah cukup besar to have my own life so i rasa i will just live with this sucks adulthood. Its not gonna be easy from now on, its gonna be hard but do we have any other choices? 

My conclusion is let all just be happy shall we.. 😉 What tf that i am talking about hahaha bye till next post. xoxo.