MAYBE THIS IS WHERE I SHOULD BE (A REFLECTION FROM A 27 YEARS OLD)

27 now, but thinking back, I used to have so many dreams.

Once, I dreamt of becoming a literature laureate just because I liked poems. I joined a poem competition back in primary school and thought that was the greatest ever. But turns out, it wasn’t that great and there are no perfect opportunity to pursue it so I stopped loving it when I went to secondary school.

Then I dreamt of becoming a psychologist haha for some reason it just came to me. I had been holding on to that dream for a long time. As far as I remember, I guess it was rare, and I wanted to be different so bad (typical teenager). I wondered why I didn’t go for more mainstream jobs like doctor or lawyer (another typical Asian). I just don’t know as it never occurred to me. I thought if I held that dream long enough, I could achieve it.

Guess what… I did!

I got into a bachelor’s degree in psychology because that’s the only thing I knew I wanted. I was so happy, thinking I could finally achieve my dream. But halfway through, I realized it was actually so hard to get a job and I’m not privileged or smart enough to continue studying at a higher level. And once again, after so long, I started rethinking my life decisions.

Maybe I can be a teacher? I just wanted a simple life, go to school for teaching, probably marry a teacher too, and live in a suburban area quietly and peacefully. Ya, maybe I just need that.

So I went to two interviews to become a teacher… and failed both lol. So now what? Despite all the uncertainties, I got my degree. I don’t even know how or why, but I managed to get a job in corporate as an HR. Working for just 3 years now but I’m already tired of this.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about the future more than I should be.

Especially about how long I’ll be living this routine life and will there be any changes? Will I ever get married? Have kids? Have enough money to bring my parents traveling? Own a house? Pheww how about owning a garden?? I want my own garden so bad!!

There are so many thoughts and I’m overwhelmed because realistically, I’m not moving anywhere.

I still need to wake up for work and do the same damn job every day, and the sad part is I don’t know for how long anymore. So for me to stop this madness, maybe, just maybe, i just need to think that this is where I should be right now.

Stop stressing about those uncertainties. Because when I look back at my dreams, I never thought I’d be where I am now haha. I used to hate working in an office, in a freaking cubicle but look at me now?? Who would have thought right?

Maybe all my worries will turn into something too in the future. I’ll never know what life has planned for me. Maybe I’m living in a place that was written all along for me.

To accept and just go on with what I have now :) at least that’s what I want to try to do. Enjoy it? Hmm I’ll try. Since I don’t know if the future’s gonna be worse or better, I’ll at least enjoy this not-so-bad life.

With the hope that a bit of light is coming toward my way or His way but either way it will be the right one. If you are feeling the same way let’s just keep holding on for a little while, i believe something is coming for me and you. xoxo.